Best Thanksgiving Food

Happy Thanksgiving from LND

The ultimate of all American holidays is upon us.  If there is one thing that Americans love more than football it’s overeating.  Thanksgiving combines football and overeating into the ultimate tailgate party that only ends because the mashed potatoes get backed up to your esophagus and the tryptophan saves you from yourself.  Luckily everything will be back to normal by Sunday after you spend all of your money on Black Friday and deposit the last cornucopia in the toilet.

Before I get started on the top foods list, LND would like to give a special shout out to the worst Thanksgiving food.  I love cranberries.  I love cranberry juice.  I love craisins.  I even love Zombie and Linger by The Cranberries.  So how did they manage to screw up cranberry sauce?  Why do we even buy this stuff? Nobody over the age of six ever eats it.  Six also happens to be the age when kids realize Vienna Sausages don’t taste good.  It looks like maroon cat food and tastes like maroon Vienna Sausages.  That said, it just wouldn’t be thanksgiving without this delightful gelatinous glob sitting on the table for me to ignore on my way to more turkey.

And now, LND presents the top ten foods that we Americans eat at Thanksgiving:

10. Stuffing – This one only cracks the list because my wife loves it.  Personally, I think it just tastes like bread that someone dipped in water.  There are only so many carbs a man can eat before he gets full and I will save mine for some of the items lower on the list.

9. Yams/Sweet Potato Casserole – This is another one for the wife.  Too many carbs, not enough pay off.  Sweet potato casserole does gain points for being covered with marshmallows.  When marshmallows are included and you haven’t even made it to dessert, you know you have just thrown all caution to the wind at that point.

8. Veggies – Can’t crack the top of the list but this begins the run of deliciousness.  Green beans, corn (LND is aware that corn is a grain and not a veggie but we reserve the right to lump it in with whatever the hell we want), butter beans, okra, pretty much anything green.  It’s all good – except for brussels sprouts.  Brussels sprouts are to veggies what the Big East is to the BCS.

7. Pineapple Cheese Casserole – So this one is a little bit of a wild card, but look at the recipe.  Fresh pinapple – yes, cheddar cheese – yes, buttery cracker crust – oh hell yes.  Trust me, after you try this you will lobby your family to replace that nasty ass wet bread with this new school dish.

6. Mac and Cheese – Impossible to mess up despite there being a million different ways to prepare this classic.  Add chili peppers, bacon, or even lobster and it’s still good.  Use cheddar, colby jack, swiss, cheese whiz, or all of the above and it doesn’t matter.  Make it with elbow noodles, rotini, ziti, or even penis pasta and LND will still eat it.  However, the penis pasta does make it a little awkward when you have a little stray cheese on your lip to wipe off.

5. Spiral Ham – Why settle for one protein when you can also include the most delicious and versatile of all animals?

4. Mashed Potatoes – King of the carbs. Potatoes are the most delicious and versatile of all vegetables which makes them the pig of veggies.

3. Turkey – The best part about the turkey is the leftover sandwiches the week after.  That and the excitement involved in trying to fry one.  It might burn your house down but it’s worth the risk.

2. Gravy – Don’t lie, this is the real reason you got all of that other stuff to start with.  Everything is better with a little gravy.

1. Pie – Pumpkin, sweet potato, pecan, apple, peanut butter, it really doesn’t matter.  The pie is the king of all foods year round and just because it’s a holiday doesn’t change that for one second.

Now wipe that drool off of your keyboard and go eat. Happy Thanksgiving.


6 Responses

  1. How dare you google a pineapple and cheese casserole recipe. U know mine is the best or you wouldn’t have put in a special request for me to bring it. As far as sweet potatoes , try adding a layer of granny smith apples, now that’s Truly Scrumptious in a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang kind of way. I would have inbeded a pic if it would have allowed.

  2. Love ur new hats!

  3. Way to put our only minority writer in the Chief Wampum headdress, P. Ya racist. I look sharp in that bonnet, though.

  4. Once again filling the quota am I? This racism is making me want another piece of Church’s and more red Kool Aid.

  5. Is that Mary or Laura??

  6. I would like to submit a new entry. Last night, using four day old leftovers, I ate two turkey, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mayonaisse sandwiches. Yes, I felt the need to add mayo after adding the gravy.

    That may not be the best food you eat at Thanksgiving dinner, but it is the best food you get from Thanksgiving dinner.

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