Better cheap alcohol – Malt Liquor or Bum Wine?


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LND has been known to enjoy an alcoholic beverage on occasion.  LND has also been known to be broke.  Sometimes those two coincide and these bloggers are not only hurtin for cash, but also need a little something to make that cheeseburger extra delicious.  When this happens, what to do? There are so many options out there.  Do you go for the chilled 40 ounces of refreshment known as Malt Liquor or the electric neon goodness found in a bottle of Fortified Wine?  If you find yourself facing this conundrum you are in luck because the bloggers at LND have done extensive research on this subject and are here to break it down for you.

Brands – Bum Wine comes in about 5 brands – Cisco, Thunderbird, Ripple, Night Train, and the LND favorite – MD 20/20.  There are too many brands to count of Malt Beverage but the important ones you need to know are OE, Private Stock, Steel Reserve and the LND favorites Hurricane and Colt45.  Advantage: ML

Flavors – Malt Liquor come in two flavors – regular (i.e. Colt 45) and extra strength (i.e. Steel Reserve).  MD 20/20 alone comes in 6 flavors – purple, red, dark red, green, and neon blue.  Advantage: BW

Nickname – 40s vs Mad Dog – that’s not even close. Advantage: BW

Taste – MD 20/20 tastes like purple, red, dark red, green, and neon blue mixed with rubbing alcohol.  40s taste just like cheap beer. It actually prompted my wife to say “This isn’t that bad, why would anyone ever buy beer”. Wait a sec, a member of LND actually convinced a woman to marry him? That’s right, and she’s hot, too.  So take that Mr. Italic Underlined Font. Now where was I? Oh yeah – Advantage: ML

Drinking Game – 40s have the always entertaining Edward Fortyhands where you duct tape a 40 to each hand and you can’t take them off until you finish them.  It makes going to the bathroom an adventure.  The only game I have ever seen played with Mad Dog is a race to see who could finish the bottle faster.  Let’s just say that didn’t end well. Advantage: ML

Spokesperson – Billy Dee Williams vs Homeless People. Advantage: ML

Side Effects – Malt Liquor has been known to make a certain LND blogger unsuccesfully try to blend in with Billy Dee Williams. Mad Dog has been known to make a different LND blogger (50/50 chance people) throw up in the parking lot of Food Lion. Advantage: BW

The Day After – Bum Wine will make you will feel terrible and spend the day alternating between the toilet, the shower, and the couch.  Malt Liquor will make you will feel terrible and spend the day alternating between the toilet, the shower, and the couch.  It made my wife say, “So this is why people buy beer”. Wait a sec, she hasn’t divorced you yet? You are really starting to get on my nerves Mr. Italic Underlined Font. Advantage: Neither

The Verdict – Malt Liquor wins 4-3, proving once and for all that 40 > 20 + 20.

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6 Responses

  1. First off there will never be a challenger to some good ol hurricane….. The only drink that motivated you to make commercials for it everytime you partake. Secondly, that old bum wine should be reserved for the extreme hard times and pledging. Although thunderbird has A mean jingle…. Everytime I have drank it I threw up just a small bit if my soul( as well as anything I ate in the previous three days). And as much as I’d like to comment on that food lion parking lot…. I think I’ll leave that one alone

  2. And I’d do it again dammit. Nothing says “screw you Tequiza” like downing a Mad Dog. I could have held it too, if it wasn’t for that damn PURPLE flavor. A color so deadly that it beat you as soon as you realized, “Shit, no more blue!”

    • I was tryin not to call you out Dunn, but since you outed yourself I will go ahead and mention that you also happened to be an employee of that same Food Lion at the time.

  3. hello? did someone forget to mention natural ice?

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