MLB Playoff Preview

The air is getting crisp and the calendar has flipped to October. That means it must be time for the Major League Baseball playoffs. The crack of the … Wait, what do you mean “Major League what?” You don’t know what baseball is? You know, the game with the bat and the hard little ball? No – not lacrosse. What are you, Canadian? This is the one where the hard little ball is covered in dried animal skin. No, not cricket. Now you’re just being ridiculous.

OK, so baseball’s not exactly as popular as it used to be. October is now more known to sports fans as the month of football after the month that was the first month of football. And with the likes of the Tampa Bay Rays electrifying at least 12,000 fans to come see a team full of guys getting paid in seashells and lunchables play, the MLB playoffs probably aren’t going to look any more important this year.

But, alas, we here at LND still care. We care because the playoffs are still another excuse to raise the stakes on our unsustainable gambling habits, tax our relationships with two months of late nights at sports bars blowing the kids’ college fund on honey taco ghost pepper mint hot wings and prove that we are smarter than our friends with bombastic predictions that will probably not end up any more accurate than a coin flip.

Jay’s Picks

NLDS: Giants over Braves. The Braves provided legendary angry old man Bobby Cox a fitting send off squeaking into the playoffs on the final day of the regular season. Now they will quietly go away. Atlanta pitching will dominate, never giving up more than 4 runs in a game, but that mighty Omar Infante-led offense will respond by never scoring more than 3 in any game.

Phillies over Reds. Thanks to the Phillies, fans will actually be able to recognize that they are not actually watching reruns of the Little League World Series when tuning in to the National League playoffs. Cincinnati’s main role in the playoffs will be to allow TV producers to run a few token vignettes about how the Reds have revitalized another dying Midwest city full of hobos living under bridges on the Ohio River.

NLCS: Phillies over Giants. Two really good pitching staffs, only one Major League Baseball quality line up. The Giants will be able to extend this one long enough to give Phillies fans ample opportunity to prove how obnoxious they are on national television, but in the end they were going to get to do that in the World Series for the third year in a row anyway.

ALDS: Rays over Rangers. God will actually come from above to suit up for the Rays, hit .397 with 8 home runs and 19 RBI to ensure that Texas’ born-again former crackhead Josh Hamilton will not be tempted back into his destructive sinful ways due to another Rangers clubhouse champagne celebration. God usually prefers to work unseen, which is why he will only appear in Rays home games.

Yankees over Twins. The Twins and Rays have a payroll equal to about the net worth of A-Rod’s man teets, but at least the Twins have fans. Unfortunately, A-Rod’s supple man boobs are going to be haunting their dreams after the Yankees break the Twin Cities collective hearts.

ALCS: Rays over Yankees. America already got to experience the “Most annoying fans in the universe bowl” with last year’s Yankees-Phils series, so that never needs to happen again. Ever. I’m hoping by making this pick, the power of the Interwebs can guarantee the Yankees don’t make the World Series again.

World Series: Rays over Phillies. Instead of a rematch of last year’s series, we get a rematch of two years ago. Since I have yet to provide one single nugget of baseball analysis or insight in this highly scientific masterpiece, I will leave you with this: Good as they’ve been, The Fightin’ Roys (Halladay and Oswalt) have never pitched in the playoffs. When both of those guys crack, the Rays will be throwing a ticker tape parade in downtown Tampa. At least the low budget Rays won’t have to worry about paying those extra crowd control costs.

Perron’s Picks

The long grind known as the MLB season is finally over and it could not have come soon enough. Fall is my favorite time of year for six reasons –  football is starting, basketball is starting, the weather is getting nicer, Don Draper just made his secretary hold all of his calls so he could nail some lady after a liquid lunch, the MLB playoffs are here, and the NHL season has – actually, lets trim that down to five reasons. The NHL sucks until the Stanley Cup Playoffs and even those are only slight more entertaining than a random rerun of Who’s the Boss. Keep your sport above the Mason-Dixon line!  LND admires what the Twins do with a small payroll, enjoys when A-Rod chokes, thinks Jeter is overrated, respects Bobby Cox, and thinks the terrible Rays fans don’t deserve to have a good team even though the players and management absolutely deserve everything they have acheieved. Ultimately, none of that matters because nobody can touch the 1-2-3 of Doc, Oswalt, and Hamels. 

ALDS: Twins over Yankees, Rays overs Rangers

ALCS: Rays over Twins

NLDS: Phillies over Reds, Braves over Giants

NLCS: Phillies over Braves

World Series: Phillies over Rays

Dunn’s Picks

So before my Twins make an early exodus from the playoffs by the hands of the Damn Yankees, here are my picks. Trust me, you don’t want to read my entry post-Twins defeat, so I actually picked them to win. On a side note, I’ll take another Yankee championship as long as my one wish is granted. Please little baby Jesus, have Cano go down in a fiery plane crash so that all of this  ridiculous “great player” debate can end. He sucks. I mean like Sasha Gray before she went all commercial with The Girlfriend Experience and Entourage. Put him on any other team and he’s average. Switch Cano and Aaaron Hill from the Jays and the Yankees aren’t missing a beat. I fucking hate Cano!!! (Breath. OK I’m good) 

ALDS: Twins over Yankees, Rangers overs Rays

ALCS: Twins over Rangers

NLDS: Phillies over Reds, Giants over Braves

NLCS: Phillies over Giants

World Series: Twins over Phillies


One Response

  1. Chalk this up as a loss. Thanks Twins!!! jerks.

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